Thursday, June 7, 2012

There's Nothing Sexier Than A Wife With A Crow Bar


The above is a quote from The Farmer. Yes, I have a crow bar and I know how to use it.

Sort of.

I got better as the evening of destruction went on, but I still need a little practice. Anyone got a bathroom that looks like this?



Oh, wait. *I* have a bathroom that looks like this.

Or I should say had a bathroom...



Yeah. Remember? I had a crow bar...

And I know how to use it.

Sort of.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So, to back up...

Upstairs we have one of the smallest bathrooms you can find. OK, not the smallest, but really? This house is how many square feet and has a bathroom this size? They just could have spread things out just a little bit.

And not have put in a blue sink.

We knew the bathroom had to go, so we had fun one evening.


And I got to use a crowbar.



I think The Farmer took the crowbar away from me right after this photo. After the "nothin' sexier" comment I think there was a "you are gonna hurt yourself" comment.

This tile, by the way, came up one tile at a time. At least with my crow bar. The Farmer's crow bar seemed to be able to take up more than just one in a single chisel. I want that crow bar next time.


The Farmer also used a saw thing-y. I think The Farmer might cringe when I call it that.

Just like he cringes when I call him "cute".


And then there was the tub.

And more tile.



The Farmer was a little bummed that taking the soap dish off wasn't as dramatic as he thought it would be. I'm not sure what he wanted, but it wasn't that it just came off in one fell swoop into his hand.


And finally, the carpet. Yes, THE CARPET.

It had to go.

And much to our surprise, we found this under that carpet.


We did a little happy dance (it had to be little...we were in the little bathroom) when we saw the tile floor - made up of individual tile - had already been taken up.

This could have been much much worse.


Tuesday, June 5, 2012

How To Get A Jacuzzi In Your New Bathroom


(Without really trying...)

We have this sitting in the middle of our new bedroom at the moment:



Good thing we aren't sleeping there at the moment.

And how, ladies, did I convince The Farmer that we needed a jacuzzi tub, let alone a 60 inch two-person jacuzzi tub?

Well, it helps if your bathroom originally looked like this:


Yes, the sink is pink.


Our master bath is actually on almost the same spot as the new bathroom, we just flipped it.

Here's the view now from the same spot (sorta):


This is the wall I moved two feet, making the entry "smaller" (it's a relative term, it is still extra-large), and the bathroom larger. You can see through into the new bedroom (aka old living room) - that's the demolished fireplace in the background. Originally we were going to push the opposite wall into the bedroom (because it's 20 feet wide, and really...that seems a bit greedy...), but as it turns out that wall was the exterior wall of the original 1940s house, complete with a stone foundation that you can see through the open hole in the floor (OK, you could have seen if I had actually taken a picture). So it would have been a GDP (family translation = G** D**n Production).

But it's a good thing that tile was stubborn and the contractor just decided to tear out the floor instead of chipping it away inch by inch. While it made for a dramatic feature in the middle of the bath for a few weeks, it allowed for great access for the plumbers.


(These are floor-hole pictures, taken of the new plumbing. In short, it's just yucky down there...)


The plumbers, as it turns out, were busier than they thought. Let's just say we discovered there were no vents in the house. OK, there were vents inside the house, but not on the outside. Where did the vents go, you ask?

Nowhere. The walls. The attic.

Yuck.

Truly, did it ever smell?

I don't want to think about it.

Yep. Lots of problems that we probably never would have quite figured out had we gone room by room, according to the plumber. So one more point given to the decision to take it down to the studs!

Here's where the shower (a steam shower, as it turns out) was located when I returned home from that infamous four-day business trip:


The middle of the entry.

It now sits on the front lawn/flowerbed.


I hope it gets moved soon, but that might be wishful thinking. And strangely, no one seems to want it...we keep offering it to people who visit. And yes, it is pink too.

Back to the renovations!

Here's the start of framing for the new jacuzzi (and no, I have not forgotten I still need to tell you how I convinced The Farmer we needed this item):



And the toilet (because everyone needs to see that):


The original toilet is now behind that wall frame. It was under the staircase in a closet - with nice cedar shelving. We essentially moved it forward and are putting the shelving above the old toilet, blocking out the back shelving. So, yes, we will have cedar hidden within the walls. It'll keep out the moths that might decide to congregate under the staircase.

And the shower, which includes my one request...a bench (girls, you understand...).



Oh, and a light above the shower! (It's the little things..)


Now, back to how I managed to get The Farmer to pick out - on his own - not only a jacuzzi, but a 60 inch two-person jacuzzi:

1. Mention that you really want one, but add "if at all possible".

2. Let it be.

3. Stay at a hotel that happens to have a two-person jacuzzi tub. Try it out! Mention that it's a bit small, but nice.

4. Continue to make no mention of #1.

5. Send The Farmer to Lowe's (or Home Depot, you pick) by himself.

6. Hope that he wanders by the new display of jacuzzi tubs - 60 inchers - and remembers the hotel jacuzzi experience.

I realize #6 is not really a task, but a hope, but it worked. And while he refers to it as "my tub", I have a feeling he's going to be using it.

He already is trying it out.




Monday, June 4, 2012

Farm Excitement #49: Beware Hot Pants


I misread this at first...


No, I Didn't Marry An Axe Murderer


But he was sharpening his knives all morning...

Big scary knives!


So what happens on a farm is that one day in May (or June, in this case this year), "We're going to start sileage" is announced. You know it's coming. The Farmer has been checking the weather forecast for the past two weeks. He's been hemming and hahhing over what the next two weeks will bring in terms of rain. And in the PNW, well, that's a tough job. Because when you start sileage you have to finish sileage (at least on The Farmer's Farm). And it takes two weeks.

So you wait. And wait. And The Farmer gets nervous. And The Farmer starts to get annoyed. And then, suddenly "Sileage!" is declared, almost like Senior Skip Day and everything re-routes in his world for two weeks. My world, I'll admit, is still pretty much the same except that lunch has now turned into picnics on the back of the brown pickup in the middle of a sileage field.

Could be worse.

So yesterday morning The Farmer sharpened his knives.

These are the knives. OK, they probably are called blades in The Farmer's world, but you catch my drift.



They spin very fast and chop up the grass into sileage.

As you can see, the blades need a little help.

So The Farmer pulls this metal rod in and out slowly while the blades turn.



The cover of the blades is closed and locked for this process.


Because, well, you could lose a finger.

Or four, according to this warning sign on the side of the machine.


Side Note: I find it interesting that the Spanish word for "warning" looks like "advertisement." Why, yes, you should be warned about all those dang ads on TV. Many are annoying and make you want to poke your eyes out (but not necessarily chop off your fingers).

The Farmer inspects the results of his first attempts at sharpening.



In case you are worried, the machine is turned off at this point. No fingers were hurt in the documenting of this process.


And what does sharpening sound like?

Well, since you are running this stone block over metal blades, it sounds like fingernails on a chalkboard.



But really really loud.

Since I've only been a Farmer's Wife for a mere four weeks, I don't really know what any of these other parts do on the machine, but I took pictures anyways.







OK, I do know that big spout thing-y (technical term) spews the cut sileage into the wagon behind the tractor/cutter. I can figure that out, at least!


And the final result? The Farmer driving around his fields, cutting sileage.

(Wave...)



Note to Self: Take better/closer photo tomorrow at lunch.

Sunday, June 3, 2012

So We Went Away For The Weekend...


To continue the story of coming home after four days to missing/moved walls, the next morning we got up and I picked out my front door.*

In seven minutes.

*I've since changed my mind on the front door 4-5 times, and still have yet to make a final final decision, but that's my prerogative, right?

Why was I in such a hurry? Well, we had somewhere to be on Friday.

Yep, four weeks ago (as most of you know), we eloped to the Oregon Coast.


May 5th, 2012
South Jetty, Fort Stevens State Park, Astoria, Oregon

But as we were eating breakfast that Friday morning, The Farmer informed me I needed to pick out a door.

Now.

Apparently there's something about the contractor not wanting to cut the wrong size of hole is the side of The Jungle House...

I guess that makes sense.

As we gave the measurements to our contractor, The Farmer added the side note of  "Oh, we'll be gone for the weekend. We're going to the Coast. We'll be back on Tuesday." All calm and nonchalant-like.

Upon our return, our contractor (who is a friend/neighbor on the island) grinned and said, "Yeah. You're just going away for the weekend..."

The Farmer doesn't like this picture...don't tell him I posted it on the blog.

And yes, we went to Home Depot on our honeymoon.